Relationships: Friends/Families/Partners

Relationships Friends/Families/Partners

In this post I am discussing relationships and bipolar. I think there isn't enough real concrete information that drives at the critical aspect of how bipolar individuals struggle with interpersonal relationships.


Since I have been in a ongoing work with my 'gift', there are enigmatic elements that haunt bipolar acceptance, along with functional discretion. Speaking from personal experience, the troubles and frustrations were often met with indifference, or a lack of understanding. I like to believe people have compassion, but in my travels this is something that is held differently from people I've met.

It affects you because there is a judgement. I cannot make this pretty, it is what it is. The key here is to mitigate as much of that negative distortion, and judgement as possible. I have been challenged on more than a few occasions, the thing I've learned to do is walk away.  Remember go in with an open heart, but be mindful, and listen.

In my background life was enduring chaos, dysfunction, and survivalism. This doesn't mean your situation will turn out like mine, the key thing here is to endure, weather, and be as patient as possible. I've survived with wit, and intuition. My social skills were elementary, as this would create very awkward situations. My interpersonal relationships weren't ever built on trust. Trust is a major component of relationships, that has to be a paramount construction to any situation, and this goes for mental disorders. Without it, one becomes a bitter, and cynical person hell bent on as much personal destruction.

Value the relationships that are meaningful, as there will be times that rough patches will be frequent, with bipolar especially, patience is crucial, and acceptance (very key here). If there is love, and respect, then one will be fine, otherwise, one has to build from nothing (like I did), and struggle with each step. Though I have built my current situation from nothing, and building on each successful endeavor or moment takes a lot of hard work, and immense inner strength.

One final thing I want to mention here, is with relationships, one cannot take things personal. Bipolar is often that ruse that enrages when a friend does not call back, or an appointment gets missed because of something, no matter, it is not meant to be taken personal. Don't. Situations happen, events take place, we can't control everything. Its a matter of just letting things be. Make a list of what peeves, and annoys, work on those components by letting go of preconceived ideas/notions. Thanks for reading.

B.

Cycles: Emotional Rollercoaster

Cycling: Emotional Rollercoaster


Cycling occurs because of randomness. The randomness which can be heightened by environmental  factors, behavioral constructs, and human conditioning. All of these lead into being reclusive, combative, argumentative, and often contradictory. With bipolar it is often very difficult to function in a cognitive manner. Typically within the hour,  one could be having thoughts about various systems, why things can't change, and then become weighted by the overwhelming emotional cascading, pity, apathy, anger, sadness, glumness, introspective, and projecting,

When cycling hits, everything is thrown into a chaotic permutation. Sleep patterns are wrecked, thoughts become broken clogs, and functioning (lets face it, just isn't happening). Cognitive awareness is often the first casualty with cycling. I call these events because they become broken bits of time pockets, blocked out by the emotional swing occurring. This leads into over elated sense of excitement, deep valleys of stress, major shifts of anger, tiny slivers of joy, and cascading waves of sadness that inculcate personal disposition.

As far as the thoughts portion, cycling can affect thoughts, for me they've bounced around like slippery ping pong balls, strewn every which way, or I would just hone in on one area and over analyze it to a point of ridiculousness. 

The key here with all of this is take one situation at a time. At first will seem kind of strange because undoing previous engrained behaviors takes time to unlearn. That its okay to take one moment as it arrives, rather than be overwhelmed with having to do fifteen things at once. We like to think we can do a lot of tasks at once, but truthfully details are going to get missed, and it makes sense to slow down.

The other key piece here is laugh. Bipolar is a very big thing, it can challenge the senses, reason, and inner belief. I have found that laughter, music, and animation are my go to healthy avenues when I am struggling. But, it takes constant work, and having an inner dialog that is trustworthy, and having the compassion to know that there will be good days, and not so good days. I've learned through my cycling that I embrace the challenges, but be extremely mindful of where they are going. I've used key tools in breaking patterns, and learned to accept what is rather than trying to change what I cannot. Thanks for reading.

B.

Incident To Incident: Remember How To Use Your Tools

Incident To Incident: Remember How To Use Your Tools
 
One of the most punishing elements of having Bipolar are the ongoing struggles one goes through. Its a matter of wit, tactility, planning, and an element of survival. For me I've had to ride out the situation going through the many kinds of distortions. Waves upon waves of interchangeable emotions, riding, cascading, while trying to maintain a consistent balance is a lot of work.

Through these waves one will have to endure many of the inclinations, thoughts, and emotions. What you feel is valid, what your experiencing is valid, and that absolutely no one can tell you that your wrong for having them. They are part of your growing, and overall acceptance. The key here is not to fight the disorder, but accept it for it it is, a pocket or life's little moment.

There have been days when so many thoughts rampage the mind, so focusing on any crucial or critical part can be an undertaking. But, I'm here to at least guide you through some of the challenges that will creep in.

Firstly, accept that this is the norm. There is nothing wrong with this statement. Its not the end of the world, and I have to say that this gives one a guiding aspect to clarity(somewhat). No matter the distortion, the key here is to separate from the situation. It takes some work, but having a detached aspect can help with the recovery, along with putting a very distant construction to the overall metaphor happening.

(example) Having gone through a rough patch with specific expectation, at the very core of functioning is directed in a manner that benefits one party. In my situation, I became upset over the boundaries that weren't established, and I was expected to make concessions to this fact. I respectfully declined to be part of the one sided discussion, and walked away.

Secondly, its okay to feel what you feel. I'm not validating the construction, or result of the situation, but ultimately, try to think of ways to ride through each single emotion in a manner that you can construct a positive foundation from. Through some inner speech, there is truth that you can arrive at in regards to what your feeling/thinking.

(example) With regards to the expectations, I realize that what I said had merit, that I was okay with feeling upset, but I chose to and utilized a skill with deflecting, and redirecting my energies toward something unrelated. I felt what I needed to, and then I chose to relax, and own my feeling. I am at a place where once I used the tool, I was confident with my execution.

Thirdly, and this is very important, that once a decision has been reached, commit to it, once you commit, that's it. Make it a motto that sticks, and work at it until it becomes second nature. Its a tool that I've found invaluable.

(example) There are times when a person feels slighted, that the first inclination is to get back at that person. With bipolar this so apparent, and no matter who has done what, it doesn't excuse the behavior in the first place. But, its ultimately how I chose to react to the situation, I chose to defuse, rather than completely rehash the same things over and over. Sometimes it does take a little time, but once I figured out what was happening, then I broke the knot binding me.

Each of these are simple tools, used in a calm, cool, collective manner. It shows how I've elicited self control over my emotional response to the situation, I own my behavior, and I've executed in a manner that is positive without being destructive. Thanks for reading.
B.

Now What: Next Steps

Two Points Artwork by Crazy Ferrero 1995

Now What: Diagnosed and what to do next

In this post I'm focusing on two crucial parts of bi polar. One is diagnose, two is living/managing with a disorder. I believe in setting clear cut boundaries that will guide a person through the Kübler-Ross model(Denial, Anger, Sadness, Depression, and Acceptance) stages. The key here is not getting despondent. With time, and grace life will return to normal. It will take copious amounts of patience, and gobs of inner strength. It will take a lot of hard work on a personal level to achieve some semblance of normality. In essence you must own your own disorder.

I will state though that for bi polar each person will be different, as ones current situation with recovery will be vastly different than say someone whom is more experienced with symptom management. Regardless, a disorder takes some inner patience, and quiet time to study each of the causes. For some its environmental, whereas it could be behavioral, poor impulse control, anything that can affect daily functioning.

Having a disorder isn't the end of everything, it just means taking more time to wade through, and internalize what is the right course of action. By no means would I condone having a loose attitude about symptom management, but taken with my own experiences, it helps to know what triggers the event that can put one in a wild slide.

The thing with having a new diagnose is that understanding the relationships of families, jobs, home life, and daily interaction are going to involve steep changes in accommodation. One will start the bargaining process:

"So now what?"

Its not the end. Just remember to breathe. Take stock in your development, life, and experiences. They are valid, and second guessing is counter productive. Its a hard reality once things start to settle, that things become vivid, and real. What your feeling is valid. For me I've learned to plan on each moment to moment. I don't make large plans, as I got into a habit of self sabotaging goals. Whatever system that you are accustomed to may need to have a slight revision. Be patient, it will happen.

"What steps do I take to manage"

Managing takes a level of practice, and extreme diligence. For me I've used two completely different models, the 12 step program, and Co-Dependency No More by Melody Beatty. I've done my fair share of reading about bi polar material, online, and book. Yet the two that work for my situation typifies where I am in my recovery. 

"Is medication the right avenue?"

Is medication right? Well, that depends on the level of which one needs help functioning. For me, I've tried a great deal of medication, management on the other hand has been wrought with health complications. What I've done in the meantime is modified where and what I am dealing with. Medication is an option that I think can be explored in mitigating bi polar symptoms.


"Will my family be okay?"

If your family is still with you, then they accept you. Love, and acceptance are paramount with recovery. Just remember don't rehash issues, and past slights. The best thing to do is work in the now moment. Own the behavior, be humble, but don't condescend. Parents of bi polar kids today have a lot of information, and coping tools. When I was growing up, there is was very little information, and because of my own family's issues, they were not well equipped to deal with my rapid flucuations, and bizarre behavior. My mother especially, had her own distortions(highly suspected mental illness as well).

"Will I be okay?"

Yes. Yes you will be okay. Remember to breathe.

"Will this affect my job?"





If your like me, jobs are a very difficult beast to conquer. Some for me have languished in a place of indifference, and judgement based on my performance. I've come to this point in my life now that I don't particularly fit into corporate America's motto. I'm extremely unrefined, and I'm okay with that. Keeps things interesting. Maybe your situation is different, no matter there will be a sizable distinction to behavior modification.


"My life?"

Life is in the eye of the beholder, but here I think yes it has affected your life. The relationships, friendships, employment, all these foundations are still the same, the component here is the acceptance to the reality. This is a hard one to get through (at first). But it is not the end, but a beginning of a new chapter. So much can be learned by growing. 

These are all genuine valid questions one will ask upon being diagnosed. These questions should elicit a profound sense of observation as to whats happening to the relationships one has with a disorder. Is the relationship healthy or destructive? Because having the diagnose certainly changes behaviors, and attitudes, especially for me because I had to make a concerted effort in modifying my situation, and being mindful of those I associated with.

Yet this doesn't preclude one to fall back into old patterns of self destruction, inner abuse, and myopic sense of ego gratification. Time and again I see and hear stories about individuals whom fall back into old patterns, and refuse to do the work. Its important to understand that in lieu of all the chaos, and distortion, there is a level of finding normalcy, but that is also contingent upon the needing to repair, and filter out distractions that are directly related to the chaos. For me environment plays a major role in that distortion, so I've had to relegate, and minimize those in which have directly influenced my condition.

Introduction: Hello and welcome

Introduction: Hello, and welcome
 
Days can be a struggle, and days can be smooth, the one thing that always complicates is having a disorder. My quest with my disorder is an ongoing lifelong endeavor. Most of my trials and tribulations have stemmed from a lot of anguish, sorrow, and anger. I've been through so many outlets for help/services, I've became numb to the intake process. I've seen first hand the attitude and misunderstanding of having a disorder/illnesses, and I've come here to share some of my successes and failures.

Mental illness is not an albatross. Mental illness I believe is a gift, like having six toes, or no legs. I am a person like this. What I feel is valid and needs to be respected. Though I may not have the predilections to have what typical normal people have, I've looked at my situation as a blessing. Yet I sometimes feel like a curse. No amount of reality can smack a person so vividly, without the idea that somehow things work in mysterious ways. I am not a man of great faith, yet what I do know through my travels I accept very few things at face value. I am a deep introspective person, I carry myself with best intention, I own my behavior, and take accountability for actions I partake. Having an illness needn't preclude one from responsibility.

The obvious aspects to being a individual with a disorder can be stressful, and filled with all kinds of distortion (family, employment, relationships). I feel its crucial to understand who you are as a person, know what triggers you, and mitigate any aspect hindering  your recovery.

It is with great respect that those who traverse this blog, utilize some of the skills, and tools I've had to stumble forth, and go through. Every step a person takes with any disorder takes hard work, determination, and wit to continue surviving.

Lastly, I believe bipolar is an abject lesson in historical construction, as it is learning about family history, what triggers, and monitoring frequent euphoric tendencies. Sometimes it takes a lot of inner strength to acknowledge, and accept these limitations. I have learned how to live with my situation, and keep tabs on many struggles I incur daily. As with history bipolar can make a person repeat the same mistakes if they aren't cognitive of their situation. I've learned this, and I believe everything is constructed around a theme, or idiom i.e. a lesson that must be learned for that day. I am hopeful you take the time to understand, and share with me some of the joys and sorrows living with a mental disorder. Thanks for reading

B.