Personal Distortions / Outward Distortions

Personal Distortions / Outward Distortions

In my life I've overcome obstacles inherited by a terse upbringing, whereas my social status as a young man was wrought with angst, and cognitive distortions brought out by a lack of compassion or understanding. I've struggled with maintaining a healthy balance of decent outlets for expression, plus I also had extreme rigidity towards authority figures.

It has taken me quite some time to infuse truthful and honest exploration of where those distortions arrived. Though I am no island (though I still have inclinations to believe this way), I sometimes feel as though I'm wadding through a thick paste of emotional dissonance.

When a person goes through bipolar, crucial life skill constructions begin to breakdown over a shortened duration. As with my situation once something begins to unravel or build up the best I can do is face it head on, and ride out the waves without losing my sanity in the process.

I've walked a solitary narrow path, this is brought about because of choices my younger self facilitated with personal protection. Some of the fears, and self second guessing were often self made, and I've lost crucial periods of time due to these distortions.

I'm in a much better place than where I was then, but I have to say its a constant struggle with all the trials. When I was younger I was an extremely outspoken and blunt. Often times I would argue for the sake of arguing, and to an average person that behavior never got me very far.

Through many iterations in my travels I've encountered the same comment: "The problem isn't us its you". To this effect I've wondered why this would be viewed in that context, until I figured out, wait a minute, its another distortion. People chose to like and behave how they want, I am just like anyone else but I've learned to be as direct and honest in my daily situations. I realized then that I had few real friends who had my interests in mind.

Part of why I write this here is to show how I worked through these distortions, and learned more or less that sometimes it is best to keep things to ourselves. Its also okay to take things slow, watch, and observe where people reside. I've also learned that sometimes my own company is okay, and that its not bad to just say I'm not interested. But on the flip side I've had to endure more alone time than most, I know that I've made progress with inner truths, and have come to distinct decisions based on evidence I've learned from.

I am a seasoned bipolar survivor. I make no real plans or have lofty expectations. My best qualities are honesty, creativity, and trustworthiness. The thing with my best qualities is they can turn into distortion, because as I think up something or situation, it can manifest into wildly vivid or unreasonable expectations. For me I've learned to trim down my vivid imagination, use critical thinking skills to assess, and modify my expectations with myself and how others have seen me.

Yet more challenges remain. Life hands me situations that I must face. I cannot run from them. I cannot hide from them. I have learned to accept them, and that I have a choice in the decision, or not. I've been adept at keeping others at a distance because I've had to fend and fight for each step along the way. It has been painful to say the least. The struggles and tribulations have also given to extreme stubbornness. My ongoing evolution of sorts will continue but I must learn to quiet the beast.

But, like with any situation whether it be family, work, or social, the key construction for managing personal distortions is understanding where they come from.