Waves & More Waves: Bipolar Spectrum

Waves & More Waves:  Bipolar Spectrum

Knowing the waves will come, and knowing how to work within the guidelines of the self.

For many bipolar is a ever crossing eave of destruction or pliable elation. Between these points are divots that can and will divert and plateau.

It is knowing when and where to step behind the (self) screen and acknowledge that these are the framework to the peaks and valleys of bipolar.

For me these represent two diametrically opposite points of view. In my younger days I was languishing, bearing my ferocious teeth in anger, displacing a lot of pent of energy upon myself, and those around me.

As I would later deconstruct, my anger became a coping mechanism brought out by protecting me from caustic, and dysfunctional situations. The energy component involved a lot of self damage. Running into objects, hurting, hitting, cutting, trying to find ways to feel alive as to dull the onslaught of deep emotional pain. I incurred major bouts of isolation from my peers, family, from that result bore a kind of social retardation.

As I got older and settled into my groove as it were, a lot the construction leveled out from various outside factors I couldn't control, situations that I didn't feel connected with, and the obvious self idling. I started to fracture and then I begin unraveling. In another post I describe how these situations will manifest, yet here I break it down into a more concrete way.

Whether or not the traction was positive or negative, the metrics of those results bore a lot of applicable frustration, mental perception notwithstanding why me why now, and a kind of implied social and individual torment.

As I grew into my bipolar I had to acknowledge how not to fall into these traps. Firstly I had to walk beside my emotions, analyze them, break them down into what I was experiencing. I then had to rework my understanding and reintegrate back into a kind of normal life.

I had to ply away from the knee jerk assessment or the intrepidity of my ego. Again environment has played a huge role in how I manage with bipolar, other times it is permutations of whether or not something works or doesn't. I wouldn't adhere to the luck of the draw, but I will acknowledge that there aspects I cannot control and I must let things be.

I learned how to walk away from the negative, and embrace a truth, and realism. There are challenges to my processes, yet I understood then that I can't allow myself to be swayed by my emotion, I had to take the tact of separation (watching the situation as it is, rather than what I think it is).

This takes considerable amount of practice. This has taken years of fine tuning, going through repetition, and making time to mend and heal from solitude into what I am now. Though I am not perfect, I accept what is rather than what isn't.

Seeing the waves come before they hit helps me understand how to get through the episodes. Sure medication helps, yet I elected a more strict point: accept and ride through. There are good days, and not so good days. Some waves are marginal, where others are gigantic mountains with wild ravenous animals waiting to attack.

Stepping aside from the steep cliffs that will spring up, I learned to acknowledge them, accept them, and embrace them without feeling overwhelmingly despondent. I hope this helps, thanks for reading.


B.