I don't like having to air personal business online. Yet in this case though, I've made this exception because I believe passionately that sharing what I've dealt with.
As it currently stands, those who have insurance either have to pay very high deductibles after being seen help, or have a type of insurance that no one wants to work with and suffer with a manageable illness.
I deduce that both insurance adjusters, and claims managers have no middle ground. Because of this I stand at a crossroads with a type of insurance that may or may not work.
A certain time frame is closing for mental health services i.e. revolving door as the temporary band aid will then be removed again, and I'll scamper and stagger about looking aloof trying to figure out what my next steps are going to be. In essence I've become a statistic with regards to state mandates within a bureaucratic mental health regulation.
Right now is crucial point for me because I take medication that helps enrich and balance my life. Without this medication I'd be in a very different situation, constantly struggling to maintain balance.
It is so important that medication management be beneficial for me, and not against me. There isn't a way keep tabs on or with my progress. There isn't any continued encouragement when it comes to consistent monitoring of medication management, and therapy long after being jettisoned from service.
So what happens when those options have been exhausted? In my case there are a few agencies that I can go to. All I can get at this stage is 6 months of service. Essentially its a Quality of Service problem, which may or may not help depending on the severity of illness.
In my case...I'm considered functional, to a point. But, I don't kid myself in anyway because I know when things can go off the rails. I also know when I'm just a statistic in a hurriedly rushed, and shuffled through a broken system.
It's tedious, and again I go through the same system because of Quality of Service i.e. choices for what I can get is very limited. I equate it to going through a revolving door. I get cataloged, studied, and rehabilitated which means I've been marked a success and out I go. I don't like this one bit. Not. At. All.
For those of us who've had to endure a lot with mental illness, I've paid dearly with my life through a hellish, and corrupt institutional system. Some of belies a bigger problem of dollar signs when it comes to patients in need of service. Its a wonder anything functions when there is so much bureaucracy with mental illness.
With medication management I've been shuffled through one agency to the next. From psych medication subscriber then handed off to a family practitioner. Neither seemed interested in fixing this clog. There isn't a lot of communication between agencies. Which belies another problem with keeping tabs on those of us doing the work.
Having gone through this process many, many times, I am angry my voice as my own advocate has become wasted in red tape. I've learned that illness should not and cannot have bandaids, life affords me the opportunity to learn from, and to have a sounding board to give clarity (when there isn't), reason, and explanation to the thoughts and feelings I have.
I am and will always be in recovery. I just wished that when it came to monitoring those who go through the hoops of finding and maintaining balance, that they are not forgotten in the mire of survival success. Thanks for reading.
B.
