Medication III: Tribulations of Alternative Methods
Once I got settled into my young adulthood, my second real stint with alternative (not medicine) would begin.
I tried bee pollen for about six months, a friend had suggested this because of my issues with adverse side effects, and while it worked for a little while, many things began to unravel.
I was depressed more. I was tired more. I couldn't muster enough energy to motivate myself after my initial diagnosis of bipolar. I was in a very difficult situation trying out anything that could help alleviate my moods.
Bee pollen was a nice introduction, but once I hit my 23rd year something inside me had changed considerably. I was in a very dark place emotionally, I had no real feeling, I had no real date, I wasn't exactly employed (in the correct sense), as I was tripping over trying to keep busy. Once all of these collided, and my personal misgivings about society, and my role in it, I was very sad, and depressed.
This went on for a few years, I tried rekindling something with my case manager in that I wanted to take full advantage of the Lithium/Paxil option, but due to my insurance issues, this was blocked. So for awhile I sat in idle, twiddling about not knowing what day it was, whom was friend or foe.
When I moved due to the lack of family connection (which I suspect was contributing to my deep depression) I set out on a path for myself. I would not look back, nor would I volunteer where I was going to no one.
As I arrived to a new place, I would try out St. John's Wort in the summer of 1998, at first was odd, then I began having canker sores, and became very irritable. My poor roommate ended up getting a fair share of my bluntness, and obtuse behavior. Shuffling from that I would try out honey, some other unpronounceable product, and then that was that.
I knew something wasn't quite right, but I wasn't connecting to the right systems or processes to gain insight and clarity to where my head was at. Behavior wise I was all over the place, like a ping pong ball. So much of that period was rife with uncertainty, personal calamity, and bizarre traits.
B.
